Send me away with the words of a love song

I haven’t written in so long… but then I hit overload and the words are forced out of me. I fill up and eventually they just overflow and must be put somewhere. I’m back Stateside and so lost, so confused … and slightly overwhelmed. I’ve been reading a little bit about “backwards” culture shock… I thought I was fine, everything fell back into place so smoothly I thought surely there was no way I could fell umm… out of balance? But either my cerebellum has taken some hard hits I don’t remember or I haven’t quite adjusted as well as I thought. It’s so hard to explain. I think it’s the consistency … it’s like my life was actually put on hold and now

This is how I’ll explain it… say you’re watching a movie and you’re ¼ in and it’s edging near the half way marker then boom, you hit pause… and you get up to leave the movie for a while

I dunno go: make some popcorn, have a bathroom break… if you’re really something run out and get some ice cream

Then you return to your movie.

Okay. You’ve lost touch, the emotionality that had initially connected you and the movie is lost, or maybe not lost but definitely different.

You hit play and you’re trying to remind yourself what’s going on and the importance of each of the characters…

there’s a disconnection that eventually dissolves once you get back into the film but it takes a minute or so…

I’m in the minute flux, where everything is familiar but it doesn’t feel natural yet.

How can everything be so different after only four months?